Iʻm sorry Tūtū.

Iʻve been racking my brain trying to figure out what to write about my Tūtū. It suddenly came to me as I was telling my son about his Tūtū Nui...

"Iʻm sorry Tūtū."

Iʻm sorry I didnʻt stand to speak when my Dad was finished with your beautiful eulogy. The priest sorta gave me the heebeegeebeez and my timing seemed off during the entire thing. I didn't get back in the church to sit with my family. I didn't get to take communion... the priest just passed me by. Think he didn't like the fact that I was breast-feeding in church... you probably wouldn't have liked it either, Tūtū. Plus, I just didnʻt know what to say. Your passing has left me at a loss of words... And I think itʻs because I never got to say goodbye. So if you never say goodbye that means a person can never truly leave... right?

Iʻm sorry I havenʻt been around. You kept telling me I should move back to Hawaii. "Be a teacher"... you used to say. "We need more teachers"... Iʻm not sorry I didnʻt become a teacher in the State of Hawaii. Tūtū... the kukae my Mom has to deal with on the regular would make you so angry!

Iʻm sorry you didnʻt get to meet your Great-Grandson. I really wanted to place him in your arms.. Iʻm sorry we missed that moment. But I know you hold him in your heart everytime you look down on us.

Remember that handsome man you met... that is his Daddy.

Iʻm sorry I didnʻt visit more often. Alex said it correctly when we were sitting down to dinner, "Pili, you were always around. And then all of a sudden... you werenʻt." I should have been there to help you. I should have called more and talked with you more. I am sorry about all the time I missed with you these last fifteenish years. I moved away without thinking how much I would miss. I am blessed with great experiences and a loving and amazing family... but I missed you. I missed seeing you.

I know you would say not to live your life with regret... but the truth is that I regret not being able to do more for you and with you.

Thank you for being my Tūtū.

Now, no more apologies...

Our beautiful Tūtū.

I love you Tūtū. I miss you.

Love,

Your Granddaughter,

Pilialoha



Your Great-Grandson... looking up. Looking for you Tūtū.

I LOVE MY MOM!!!

It's been two weeks since I've posted. I am sorry it took me so long to get back here but my head needed a vacation. So... WELCOME BACK EVERYONE!!! Aloha to my Friends and Family!!!

Welcome back to HAPPYNATHANIEL!

My Dad, Me and MY MOM.

To all my lovely LADY FRIENDS, to my beautiful AUNTIES, to my AWESOME GRANDMOTHER and TUTU,  to my AMAZING MOM...

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

My Mom and Her Sisters!

Today I will talk about MOTHERS and a MOTHER'S LOVE.

BUT FIRST, A DISCLAIMER... I am not a doctor. I am not a nurse. I am not a psychologist. I am not a counselor. I am not affiliated with any sort of health industry. I am not a MOTHER. I have never gone through the pain and ultimate pleasure of childbirth. I hope, one day, to have the privilege of bringing a new and AWESOME LIFE into this BRIGHT WORLD. Until then I will just have to write what I know. You are reading this blog with the full knowledge that Pilialoha K. Nathaniel is not authorized by any school, institution or government to give health and medical advise. If you follow any advise in this blog it is at your own discretion and at your own risk. Okay? Nod if you agree. If you read anything past this paragraph that means you have nodded and you agree.

My Mom.

AWESOME LIFE.

I have led an AWESOME LIFE and I owe that life to my MOM. She gave me LIFE. She sacrificed much to bring me into this world. REALLY THINK ABOUT IT, boys and girls. We should all just be uber-thankful for the simple act of CHILDBIRTH and the NINE MONTHS of EVERYTHING that our MOTHERS had to go through!!! I DON'T CARE WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP you HAVE WITH your MOM!! You should call her and thank HER for putting up with the morning sickness, hormonal changes, weight gain... OH and let us not forget the act of pushing your huge ass out of the smallest hole EVER! WOW!

Maybe instead of saying "Happy Mother's Day" we all should all just APOLOGIZE. "MOM. I am SORRY for being such a Pain in your... um... vagina."

Joking. Joking. Not really.

Mom... Thank you for loving me.

Anyway... Back to ME owing MY MOM all the LOVE IN THE WORLD for giving me MY LIFE. She was and still is my protector. I still lay my head in her lap when I'm sad. I lay my head on her lap and she strokes my hair until I've either cried myself out or until I am asleep. My Mom makes the world a happier place. My mom comforts me and soothes my mind whenever I am troubled. If I have a problem I KNOW I can turn to her.

Mom... Thank you for giving me your "Don't fuck with me" face.

My Mom is not someone you want to make angry. She has this righteous, fiery "Pele" (The Hawaiian Fire Goddess) anger that sweeps over her. It is an awesome thing to behold... as long as the fire is not pointed in your direction.

Mom... Thank you for naming me.

"Pilialoha" literally means "Close Love." Thank you for filling my life with love. And, MOM, even if I am miles away know that my LOVE is ALWAYS CLOSE.

I love you MY MOMMIE.

Love,

Your Daughtie

The fruits of my MOTHER'S LABOR...

My Godmother... "KISSY FACE!!!"

MY GRANDMA!!!

 I would also like to send a special, loving Happy Mother's Day to all the beautiful souls that we have lost this year. I love you Aunty Bernie.

Our Vovo. Our Great-Grandmother and the first four grandchildren.

Help me find STRENGTH.

Aloha my Family and Friends,

I live my life with love and compassion. I have an open heart and mind. In this blog I promote and inspire HEALTH, WELLNESS and above all... LOVE and LOVING THE LIFE YOU HAVE TO LIVE.

Some days are a little harder. I do my best to fight it. I fight it with POSITIVE ACTION and the PROMOTION OF LOVE. AND... Some days it just really slaps you in the face. Some days I am reminded that this world is filled with hateful thoughts, language, ACTIONS and PEOPLE.

Hateful.

There are just some truly hateful people in this world. People that use language, actions and thought to inspire and promote hate.

I don't understand it. Why? It really makes no sense. Maybe by talking it out WE will figure it out.

Fearful.

Hate is cowardice and requires and inspires fear. In order to HATE something I think one requires IGNORANCE and FEAR of the subject. A HATER in turn feels a need to make their subject feel the same.

Someone who kills is someone who is already dead inside.

SOMEONE MAKE ME STOP NOW!!!!

Writing about HATE and FEAR is not making me feel any better. I feel like I am promoting THE STENCH OF IT.

I'M STOPPING NOW!

FAMILY.

FRIENDSHIP.

LOVE.

Much Better.

Friendship inspires love. You, my amazing friends and family have been an inspiration to me. I am hoping that you will HELP ME. HELP ME TO FIND THE LOVE IN THIS WORLD.

HELP ME TO PROMOTE WELLNESS.

HELP ME TO INSPIRE YOU TO LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH LOVE!

I am still going to blog twice a week but I am changing the days to MONDAY and THURSDAY. Give me your healthful and helpful ideas, your mana'o and any loving thoughts. Give me people who you think I should focus on! People in the family or friends who PROMOTE LOVE and HEALTH BY EXAMPLE!

Help me to balance out the hate in this world with THE STRENGTH OF LOVE.

Boston Strong,

Cousin Pili

NYC. This flag unites us all.

Love and Fortitude.

"How ironic is it that I am on the same bus route (A) that I chose not to wait for exactly 1 year ago? 

For once in my life, my impatience benefited me in ways that I could never be less grateful for. For my impatience allowed me to walk home and have a wonderful conversation with my dad. If I had known that it was the last one I would ever have had, I would have never hung up. Could everyone please do me a favor? Call your parents if you haven't spoken to them for a few days or just tell them that you love them and be sincere because life is very unexpected.--- Peace and love, chelsea"

-Chelsea Caplener, Awesome Cousin

Dear Family and Friends, 

I am sorry about the late post. Between the terroristic attacks in Boston, the anniversary of my Uncle's passing and my never ending attempt to stay on the brighter side of life... I didn't know what to write yesterday. 

I didn't want to write about death and the outrage I felt when I heard about the attack on Boston at the marathon. A MARATHON! There is NO WAY to spin such a horrendous act into something that we should learn from. There is nothing to be learned. There are just such HORRIBLE people in the world who think the death of innocent people is somehow justified in their warped, murderous minds. It is miserably maddening to find out that an event that is supposed to promote LIFE and HEALTH has suddenly become a moment when we all have to question our safety and the safety of the ones we love. Anytime a public event is sponsored a twinge of FEAR will be like mildew on our enthusiasm. 

I just watched two CNN reports. The first was about one of the first-responders who found the eight year old boy who died and his sister, a six year old, who's leg was blown off. 

How the hell is that JUSTIFIED? Excuse me, I keep on using the word "Justified". In the second report that I watched one of the accused bombers classmates said that the accused thought that terrorism was "justified."

AN EIGHT YEAR OLD BOY and a SIX YEAR OLD GIRL!!! HOW is THAT "JUSTIFIED"? 

All life should be precious. All life should be held up and honored. If it isn't, if life just becomes a series of news reports of the fuckedupness of the world then... what? WHAT? Planes fly into buildings in NYC. Little kids are shot in school in Connecticut. The same day of the bombings in Boston there were also bombings across Iraq. Do we just live in FEAR? Do we hide behind brick walls of pain and suffering? Do we have a CALL TO ARMS and take justice and a gun into out own hands?

OH... on that... I've also been reading reports of people attacking their neighbors because they think that THEY ARE JUSTIFIED in BLAMING a particular group or/and groups for the behavior of the terrorists. Once again with the JUSTIFICATION of HATE....

Hate is NEVER JUSTIFIED. EVER.

Love.

That is the only answer I can come up with. LOVE MORE. Love your family more. Love your friends more. Love your neighbor more. Love the world you live in and hopefully it'll be a better place. Live life with love.

Love will not solve everything. It WILL make the LIFE you have to LIVE a more fulfilling one. Love will not prevent events like the bombings in Boston from happening. It will FILL the FEAR that these terrible events promote. It will FILL the FEAR with FORTITUDE. 

FORTITUDE:

Strength of mind that enables a person to encounter danger or bear pain or adversity with courage

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my Uncle's passing. The quote I started this blog with exemplifies one of POINTS I always try to get across in this blog. LOVE MORE. Take the time to TELL the ones you LOVE that you LOVE THEM. You never know what is going to happen in the crazy world that we all live in. 

I am a ridiculous optimist but even I know that SHIT HAPPENS. That little girl that lost her leg also lost her brother. She will never get to play with him again. She will never get to know the man he could have become... because of someones JUSTIFICATION. 

The only thing in this life that is justified is LOVE. Love harder. Love more. 

Love and Fortitude,

Cousin Pili

Perseverance.

Perseverance. 

Continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition.

-Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Aloha to my Family, My Friends and everyone else who has taken a moment to stop by.

I am going to talk about PERSEVERANCE today. Well... I am actually going to let a few quotes do most of the talking for me.

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.” 

― Maya Angelou

Life is full of hardships and "defeats" but it is only a failure if you view it with negativity. IT IS A FAILURE if you lay down and drown yourself in self-pity. IT IS A FAIL if you lash out with negativity at the PERCEIVED people and/or things in your life that you blame for YOUR DEFEAT. YOU FAILED. Not anyone or anything else. YOU.

Maya Angelou. Tells us that even in DEFEAT you have not FAILED if you RISE FROM IT. She believes that DEFEAT is necessary. It is. It is called LIFE LESSONS. Rise from YOUR DEFEAT and LEARN FROM IT. What happened? Do you have all the information necessary to RISE from IT? LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES and DON'T LOOK BACK.

“I am a slow walker, but I never walk back.” 

― Abraham Lincoln

Never "walk back". FORWARD. GO FORWARD. Let go of the negativity of the past. Let go and learn from the failures of life and MOVE ON. Without MOVING ON you will never MOVE FOWARD. As President Lincoln says here, you do not have to move fast; you just have to start MOVING.

“When you get to the end of your rope. Tie a knot and hang on.” 

― Franklin D. Roosevelt

So you have picked yourself back up. You are moving and PERSEVERING! Do you feel like giving up? SURE YOU DO!!! Are You going to GIVE UP? FUCK NO! Whether You are working toward the betterment of yourself, your business or/and your family and friends... whatever AWESOMELY GOOD THING you are working toward... STICK WITH IT! President Roosevelt says to HANG ON! I say, "LEAD THE WAY!" Tie on more rope, ribbon, thread... and KEEP GOING!

“Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” 

― Thomas A. Edison

Can you imagine if Edison had just given up? What if the creator of the LIGHT BULB had thrown his creation against the wall in frustration and given up? No light bulb? I am fairly certain someone would have figured it out but IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? Someone else to figure IT out? NO! PERSEVERE! 

“NEVER GIVE UP

No matter what is going on

Never give up

Develop the heart

Too much energy in your country

Is spent developing the mind

Instead of the heart

Be compassionate

Not just to your friends

But to everyone

Be compassionate

Work for peace

In your heart and in the world

Work for peace

And I say again

Never give up

No matter what is going on around you

Never give up” 

― Dalai Lama XIV

This gentle spirit sums up my thoughts exactly. Even in your struggles remember to act with compassion toward all. WE ARE ALL WORKING THOUGH LIFE. WE HAVE ALL HAD OUR OWN STRUGGLES, DEFEATS and FAILURES. Be compassionate to everyone because they are just like you. I can only hope that though EVERYTHING that we can all learn to PERSEVERE in and with HAPPINESS, LOVE and COMPASSION!

I will leave you with a poem by Rudyard Kipling in "If: A Fathers Advice to his Son." 

Perseverance, 

Cousin Pili

“If you can keep your head when all about you 

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;

If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools

If you can make one heap of all your winnings 

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!” 

― Rudyard Kipling, If: A Father's Advice to His Son

The Family Stubborn. You are Infected.

Aloha my dear DEAR Family, Friends and other people...

I searched http://www.mayoclinic.org/, www.webmd.com/, and the US National Library of Medicine. I couldn't find ANYTHING on this important issue that seems to afflict my family on a semi-regualar basis. I try to keep it under control but, and this is hard to say publicly, I GET FLARE-UPS TOO. I just assumed it was a medical affliction, some horrid disease that I caught from my Mom or some close relative that has a particularly nasty infection of it. I thought that maybe it was something in our DNA that has passed down from generation to generation. 

Nope. Stubbornness is not a disease. There is no cure except the one you make for YOURSELF... or maybe you can follow Cousin Pili's Three Simple Steps for Getting One's Head Out of One's Ass.

But first...

I am not a doctor. I am not a PROCTOLOGIST. A proctologist is a doctor that specializes in anal, rectal and intestinal disorders. If you actually have your head stuck up your ass, I am not licensed to help you remove it. I am not a nurse. I am not a psychologist. I am not affiliated with any sort of health industry. You are reading this blog with the full knowledge that Pilialoha K. Nathaniel is not authorized by any school, institution or government to give health and medical advise. If you follow any advise in this blog it is at your own discretion and at your own risk. Okay? Nod if you agree. If you read anything past this paragraph that means you have nodded and you agree.

If you can't nod because you have your head up your ass just give me a thumbs up.

Great.

Cousin Pili's Three Simple Steps For Getting One's Head Out of One's Ass (and keeping it out):

1) Pull it out yourself. 
2) Get help from a friend or family member.
3) LOVE.

1) PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS! Easier said than done. Shit just gets stuck up in there! But it can be done if you just wade through the shit and FIND THE TRUTH. One example: I was too stubborn to see a doctor for a cold and fever I've had for days. I finally had to admit to myself that the over the counter drugs and ginger tea were NOT HELPING. I pulled my head out of my FLU-ridden ass and went to a doctor. Although, even with this example, I had help. Go HERE for the entire story.

2) POSITIVE people are happier people. BE POSITIVE! Stop COMPLAINING about having your head stuck up your ass. Please, please, please keep a positive attitude if a friend or relative calls you and says, "Last time I came over, I noticed that your head was up your ass. Would you like my help in taking it out for you? You just seem so unhappy and uncomfortable. Can I please help you?" It takes guts for anyone to approach a person that has his/her head in his/her ass. No one likes to see that.

3) I know I keep on mentioning this word in every blog and I will continue to do so until I feel you have GOTTEN IT INTO THAT STUBBORN HARD-HEAD! LOVE EACH OTHER! Know that there will be misunderstandings but if you totally shut down and if you FAIL TO SEE THE TRUTH... YOU will be the LOSER. If you act BEFORE you receive all the information YOU WILL LOSE THE LOVE OF THOSE CLOSEST TO YOU. You wanna know why??? Stubbornness may not be a disease but it certainly is infectious. Chances are your friend or relative is JUST AS STUBBORN AS YOU ARE. So just stop and SWALLOW THE BULLSHIT and LOVE.

I will end the post with this ... LOVE EACH OTHER AND SHOW YOUR LOVE... you don't know when the LAST DAY will come. I don't know when my last day will be. I may live to be a healthy ninety-eight year old marathon runner OR I might choke on my food this afternoon and die. WHO KNOWS??? Am I dwelling on it? Absolutely not! I have made a commitment to live my LIFE with HAPPINESS, LOVE and LAUGHTER. I may fail at times and at those times I WILL LOOK TO YOU, MY FAMILY, TO GET MY HEAD OUT OF MY SELF-RIGHTOUS ASS. Please make the same commitment my family. No more BLAME GAMES. No more SELF-RIGHTEOUS anger. No more STUBBORNNESS. 

JUST LOVE and allow yourself to BE LOVED. 

PLEASE. Pretty please.

Your Friend, Daughter, Granddaughter, Niece and/or Cousin in STUBBORNNESS,

Cousin Pili

PS... Every Sunday, NO MATTER WHAT THE TOPIC... I will feature a recipe. Why... because cooking makes me feel good. Notice I did not say EATING. Today's recipe comes from Kristian Guynes from Kapolei, Hawaii. Enjoy!

"Kousin Kristian's Killa Kauliflower"

Ingredients:

1 1/2 pounds cauliflower (approx. 1 head),cut into large florets (about 8 cups)

6 garlic cloves, peeled

2 (14-ounce) cans chicken broth

Salt

Freshly ground black pepper

Chopped fresh chives

In a large pot, combine cauliflower, garlic, and broth. If cauliflower is not completely covered by broth, add water to just cover. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to medium-low, and simmer until cauliflower is tender, about 12 minutes.

Reserve approx. 2 tablespoons of the cooking liquid (maybe more..), then drain cauliflower and garlic. Transfer cauliflower and garlic to the bowl of a food processor and process until smooth, pulsing in some or all of the reserved cooking liquid, if necessary, to moisten mixture. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Just before serving, stir in chives. Serve warm.

Makes 4 (1 Cup Servings)

Per serving:

80 calories, 8 g protein, 12 g carbs, 1 g fat, 4 g fiber, 183 mg sodium

It is a very healthy alternative for mash potatoes. You can barely tell that it isn't a potato.

I am THANKFUL.

(2/3/2013 UPDATE #2: Here is the song my Family sung for my AUNTY.  "Ekolu Mea Nui" by Robert J. K. Nawahine.)

ʻEkolu mea nui ma ka honua
ʻO ka manaʻo ʻiʻo ka manaʻo lana
A me ke aloha ke aloha ka i ʻoi aʻe
Pômaikaʻi nâ mea âpau
Pômaikaʻi nâ mea âpau

Three important things in the world
Faith, hope
And love, love is the best
And everything is blessed
And everything is blessed

LOVE IS THE BEST!!!!

(2/1/2013 UPDATE: The obituary for Aunty can be found HERE. Thank you again to everyone for their support. Much ALOHA.)

Thank you to you, My Family, My Friends and others who have stopped by to read.

THANK YOU.

Today's Disclaimer: I apologize for another late post. I was writing on something entirely different which will be posted next Thursday as I will reserve SUNDAY for FOOTBALL and the importance of FAMILY. You will understand more as you read. This post is mostly for MY FAMILY. To my FRIENDS and GOOD PEOPLE that have stopped by... please read on.

I am not a doctor. I am not a nurse. I am not a psychologist. I am not a counselor. I am not affiliated with any sort of health industry. You are reading this blog with the full knowledge that Pilialoha K. Nathaniel is not authorized by any school, institution or government to give health and medical advise. If you follow any advise in this blog it is at your own discretion and at your own risk. Okay? Nod if you agree. If you read anything past this paragraph that means you have nodded and you agree.

For My FAMILY,

Our Aunty just passed away last night after a four month-long struggle, a fight to survive. She did not have cancer. She did not have any major health problems. She got into a minor car accident while on a routine trip to the market. If you haven't done so already, for more information go HERE for what happened to Aunty or go HERE for a journal of her struggles.

I am THANKFUL for the time I got to spend with our FAMILY in Minnesota. At the time (four months ago) I was told that the doctors had decided that nothing else could be done for our Aunty and that they would take her off of life support. I went to give whatever support I could and to take care of GRANDMA and bring her back to Hilo whenever she wanted. All life support was pulled the day before I got on the plane to go to Minnesota. I thought I would be flying into Minnesota to find my family grieving. I thought I would find my Grandmother grieving for a lost sister. My Uncle grieving for his lost wife. I thought I would have to try my best to lift my family.

INSTEAD I found my Aunty still "kicking". (Really! By the third day after they removed life support she was moving and kicking around the bed like she wanted to run a marathon.) I'm not going to "sugar-coat" this... she looked bad. She barely looked like Aunty when I first got there...AND... she got better everyday during the week I was there. By the fourth day she recognized me. I would like to think she recognized me as her Niece Pili... But I'll take any sort of recognition.

I said "Hi Aunty!"

Aunty opened her eyes and said, "Hi!" and smiled her beautiful smile.

Thank you Aunty for giving our family these last four months with you. Thank you Aunty for trying so very hard to get better. I cannot imagine the pain and confusion you must have bore. Thank you for allowing us to say "A HUI HOU".

Until we meet again, Aunty. I know you are up in Heaven with your Brother and your Mom and Dad eating sweetbread, malasadas, Minnesota hot-dish and chop suey.

I want to also thank MY GRANDMA. When I went to Minnesota I thought I would have to have to lift the cornerstone of our family. GRANDMA... you are that cornerstone and I will always be there for you. Thank you Grandma. THANK YOU for taking care of yourself. Thank you for your strength. Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for your LOVE.

Thank you for reading,

Cousin Pili

Sunset. St. Cloud Minnesota. I love you Aunty. Thank you.