Grandmaʻs House: The Sixth and not so Final Part in my Memories of Grandma.

It has officially been a month and a day. My Grandma is not dead.

Remembering her in state was just plain wrong. Even as the sorrow and pain washed through me as I looked down at her I could not help but think that she should not be in there. She should not be lying there with that angelic smile on her face in that fluffy white casket surrounded by red roses and red lehua and the fragrance of maile wafting from the dozens of lei brought by friends and loved ones.

That wasnʻt my Grandma. I couldnʻt touch her. I didnʻt touch her. I wanted to remember her as that soft, warm pillow of comfort I could always call, always turn to. I didnʻt want to remember her in that casket. That wasnʻt my Grandma. 

Our Grandma.

Damn Facebook. My face is swollen and itʻs a good thing I can type with out looking at the keys to the screen because I canʻt see either. I just watched the footage of all us Grandkids singing “A Maile Lei for Your Hair” at Homelani. It was beautiful. When else will you get us all to sing. But I still refuse! I refuse to believe that my Grandma was in that casket. I canʻt believe it still. 

I could pretend the entire celebration was for someone else. But then wouldnʻt that cheapen the entire thing. That was, by far, the most beautiful celebration of life that I have ever been a part of. Our family did an amazing job. We created floral arrangements, photo collages, a slide show and music and dance. We laughed and cried… Together. To say that we did all of that for a stranger would be wrong of me. But then I would have to admit…

Right now it is 12:19 PM on a stormy, wet, over cast day on the New Jersey Shore. Iʻm looking out at the water wishing that I could remember and forget all at once. I want to remember my Grandma as she should always be remembered… Vital. Alive. Fighting. I want to forget the beautiful images of a month ago. I want to forget the amazing funeral that was my Grandmothers… because I canʻt think of her that way. I canʻt admit that pain. 

So… no admissions here. Just words. I didnʻt think to write anything for awhile. I didnʻt want to relive anything… but since the memories are already flowing… I should get this blog started. 

So it starts…

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Grandmas House

This blog will not be about that house that everyone knows on Lanikaula St. This is more about what that house stands for. That house is EVERYONEʻS HOME. That is the first home I remember. It is the first address and phone number I memorized. It is the home I have returned to time and time again throughout my life. In my early childhood I grew up there with my cousins. It was the place I would go back to over the course of growing up. The doors were always open. In my young adulthood I lived there during my formidable college years.

That house is home.

It was there that my Family got together after that heart-slashing morning of March 15th. After they wheeled my Grandmother out of the room…

So… I could talk about the bottles of crown royal that we all went through. I could post a picture of all the beer bottles that littered the front yard. Grandma would have been furious… if she hadnʻt been drunk on Crown Royal as well… “Frikken Keedz!”

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Note: I just thought of something. Here I am bawling me eyes out and wanting to hit something because I am just so stupid angry still… BUT HOW DO YOU THINK GRANDMA FEELS?!?! “Holy Shit!”… HAHAHAHAH YOU KNOW she took one look at God and Jesus and the Angels and whatever and said… “YOU HOLY SHITS!” YOU KNOW Uncle Dicky and Aunty Bernie (My Grandmas bro and sis) had to HOLD HER DOWN! 

HOLY SHITS!!!! That just made me feel better. She didnʻt go down with out a fight here and you KNOW DAMN WELL SHE TOOK THE FIGHT UP THERE! With a heavenly supply of Crown Royal, of course.
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It was in the Hours and Days that followed that the celebration for Our Grandmother took shape. The first… Picking ʻopala to make wreaths… something grandma love to make and love to receive. This was predominately Kila and Jannaʻs project. Everyone was invited to make one. And we spent an entire day doing so. This kept our hands busy and our minds creative. Itʻs something Grandma would have done. Thank you to Chelsea and everyone who were the masterminds behind this creative spark. These wreathes were hung up on a beautiful yellow hawaiian print board, framed with Ti-Leaf. This beautiful display was made by Chelsea. These wreathes were placed on the casket at Homelani. These wreathes signified our diligence and creativity… two things we learned from Grandma. 

I was there when Kaeo did the mock up for the Ti-Leaf Kahili that was placed so royally at each side of Grandma. And that heart arrangement... It was a stroke of Creative Hawaiian Genius. Thank you Kaeo. Thank you for letting me help you and everyone put those together. They were beautiful.

Aunty Rocki began to think up a menu and mentioned Portuguese Bean Soup. So Aunty Lorie decided to make sweet bread when she was back in Oahu. Anyone who was in Oahu and could make it… got to help make, bless and bake the sweet bread that was served. Thank you to Aunty Lorie for carrying on this tradition. 

As soon as a slide show was discussed at the Funeral Home it was immediately decided that Kristian would be perfect. Her talents proved more that amazing. The slide show she provided was filled with love, tears and remembrance. Thank you Kristian.

Aunty Rocki, Kehau and Kahanu… I love you and I am Thanking you together because I know you donʻt like to be singled out. You like to be in the background… always supporting. Thank you ALL for EVERYTHING. Food prep, hugs, DA BIG picture board, hugs, programs, hugs, farts (Kahanu) and hugs. Thank you for supporting each other and our family. You are Awesome.

“A Maile Lei for Your Hair.”… A song that reminded Grandma of her love for her little sister, Aunty Bernie. Thank you to Leimaile and Kaeo for heading this effort! Thank you also to Aunty Lyndell for finding us the perfect Key to sing it in. That was a beautiful way for all of us to honor our Grandmothers love of music and Family. She was proud.

Thank you to my Mom. Thank you for teaching me how to Haku. That was my gift to my Grandpa and in turn Grandpa gave it to Grandma. 

EVERYONE did something to help in this effort. Thank you. 

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Iʻm going to stop here. Why? Because Iʻm tired. I think Grandma wants me to remember the love and pain and tears and laughter and joy and…. HER. But I know she doesnʻt want me to dwell in it. I know there will still be moments that I will want to call her just to catch up or to hear her complain about someone or something… usually Grandpa and her Computer… But instead I will call YOU.

I will call YOU. I will keep in touch with YOU. I will see YOU at Grandmaʻs House.

I love YOU.

Happy Nathaniel

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PS… The title of My next bloggy will be “Grandmaʻs Fourth Great-Grandchild” or “The Filipinos and Koreans Throw a Party”. Until then…