DIRTY SWEATY HOT GIRLS! (Part One)

HAPPY GIRLS DAY!!! Are you ready for some diiirty GIRLS! Hot... Sweaty... STRONG WOMEN! 

Aloha my lovely FAMILY, FRIENDS and all you who have take the time to stop for a spell to read. 

GIRLS DAY SHOULD BE EVERYDAY!!!

No disclaimers today Ladies! I AM CLAIMING MY GIRLHOOD, MY STRONG WOMANHOOD!!! I am shouting out to the world: I HAVE A VAGINA AND I AM PROUD OF IT! 

COUSIN UALANI: (shaking head) "Too much, Pili!"

COUSIN PILI: "This is my blog and I can shout VAGINA if I want to."

COUSIN CHELSEA: "It's okay Ualani... Pili's just very special..."

COUSIN PILI: "Hey..."

I have asked my two of my beautiful woman cousins to join me today, this BEAUTIFUL SUNDAY.  Cousin Ualani and Cousin Chelsea will all talk about HEALTH, HAPPINESS and WORKING OUT!!! Both Ualani and Chelsea did WARRIOR DASH last week!!!

...

Me and Chelsea trying to lick our toes.

First up, I have COUSIN CHELSEA. Chelsea is the Beautiful and only daughter of Aunty Cori Nathaniel and Uncle Paul Caplener. You will remember her from a blog I did a few weeks back called EAT ME <--- click there to read more. Well, she is back and DIIIRTIER THAN EVER!

COUSIN PILI (CP): Aloha CHELSEA!!! Get your HOT DIRTY HAWAIIAN ASS over here! Why did you sign up for the Warrior Dash?

Kaeo, Micah, Jeremy and Chelsea. BEFORE!!!

COUSIN CHELSEA (CC): I never ever imagined I would be doing anything even remotely close to the Warrior Dash. I was at school on Cyber Monday studying and my friend got a text from her sister telling her that the Warrior Dash was 50% off. I heard that last year was such fun and I wanted to take this opportunity to register at this price. So I registered myself, Micah, and Jeremy without even asking them. I figured that they would want to go eventually…and I was right!

CP: How did you feel during the Warrior Dash?

            

Chelsea and crew AFTER the Warrior Dash!

Couples that play together...

CC: When the Warrior Dash first started, I began running. Now for those who know me, I have had years of knee problems and it was not easy for me to run on a rough path. I had some difficulty with this but I kept going. I did not want to give up. I ran for the first mile, an accomplishment for me, then started to speed walk. I really wanted to stop and hunch over but I did not. I kept pushing through because I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. The obstacles were crazy, according to me, but so fun. The most fun was the MUD!!! Now I’m a country girl, born and raised in Hilo with boys, I spent my childhood playing in the mud. It felt like the hanabada days!!!

CP: I have pretty bad knees too. YOU ARE A BANANA CREME PIE FILLED WITH AWESOMENESS! How did you feel after the Warrior Dash?

            

CC: Although I was covered with mud, I felt amazing! Even if I could not run the entire time, I still completed the THREE PLUS something mile obstacle course without stopping. Later that Day… I had the best shower of my life! Imagine being all muddy, no matter how good it felt, that shower felt amazing! Also…I found out that the Spartan Race is coming this August for the first time in Hawaii. I am excited for this and will for sure be training!

CP: GO CHELSEA!!! The Warrior Dash is such a huge accomplishment. I am so ridiculously proud of you my cousin! SPARTAN RACE? Do it. THANK YOU CHELSEA!

...

Ualani and I!!!

Coming up though the mud of the WARRIOR DASH is my Beautiful Cousin UALANI DAVIS. She is the only daughter of Aunty Maile and Uncle Carter Davis. She hails from the BARRETT-side of my FAMILY!!! She is a beautiful photographer and artist. She was just awarded a large stipend and residency at the Honolulu Museum of Art. In her spare time she likes to get DIRTY!

COUSIN PILI (CP): Seriously though!!! Your photography is astounding. CONGRATULATIONS or the residency! 

UALANI says, "I GOT THIS."

COUSIN UALANI (CU): Thanks Pili!

           

CP: Why did you do Warrior Dash?

CU: I did Warrior Dash because my friend Ashley found a discount on Cyber Monday or something where you could register for $40. I was hesitant to do it because i hadn't really exercised much since high school, but then she told me that you get a free Viking hat just for signing up, and that's what convinced me. If I had to pay full price to register, I probably wouldn't have done it. 

CP: What if you didn't get a VIKING HAT? WHat would you have done.

UALANI IS ON FIRE!!!

CU: If we didn't get Viking hats, I definitely wouldn't have done it. A bunch of my friends ended up signing up at the same time, so that helped to motivate me to train for Warrior Dash. I thought it would be a fun event, but being that I hadn't really exercised heavily for a while, I knew I had to train, so I started running and walking my dog more. My friend Ricky (who also signed up for Warrior Dash) and I started motivating each other to exercise, and when Warrior Dash happened, we were the only ones out of my group of friends that ran the whole way.

CP: You are an INSPIRATION! What keeps you so Happy and Healthy?

CU: For me, happiness is a mindset and choice. I wake up in the morning with the INTENTION OF MAKING THE BEST OF MY DAY. I try to fill my life with HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS and GOOD PEOPLE. As an artist, I make CREATING one of my top priorities. I also make it a point to LOVE and ACCEPT MYSELF and TAKE PRIDE IN WHO I AM. The last one is probably the most important, the hardest to maintain, the one thing that no one really tells you about when you're growing up. Being able to love myself helps me be part of a happy life, maintain loving relationships, and see from a caring perspective.

DIRTY GIRL UALANI!

Also, as someone who has lived in Hawaii for the majority of her life, sunlight makes a huge difference in my mood. I NEED SUNSHINE!

CP: You are SUNSHINE. What about your health though? You're fit. How do you plan on MAINTAINING this WARRIOR PHYSIC? 

CU: In terms of health and exercise, I've always walked a lot. I catch bus or walk wherever I go, so that most days I end up walking at least a mile or two overall. My best friend Alyssa and I have a friendship that revolves around good food and walking. On an average saturday, we may meet up for brunch in Kaimuki at the Covenant Bookstore and Cafe, walk around and do some window shopping before heading over to Glazer's by University to get some coffee, then go to Frost City for some shave ice or a smoothie at Da Spot, then catch bus home.

CP: That sounds like an AMAZING SATURDAY! Thank you Ualani! I hope you keep up the cardio! Stay happy. Stay Healthy!

...

HELLO FOLKS! I'm sure you noticed that this is PART ONE of a two part series. On Thursday I hope to interview my Cousin Kalei and my Little Sister Leimaile on their experiences in their latest HIKING TRIPS. HIKING in HAWAII is such a beautiful experience and soooo good for your health and happiness!

Much love and mud,

Cousin Pili

Next blog: HIKING!!! 

Willpower: DIRTY BOY!

"Great souls have wills; feeble ones have only wishes." 

- Chinese Proverb

"Onipa'a. Be Steadfast." 

- Hawaiian Proverb

"Just do it." 

- Nike

ALOHA my willful, powerful and beautiful FAMILY, FRIENDS and you who have decided to join in the ramblings of my DIRTY mind.

Today I will speak of the PHYSICAL. I want to talk about your beautiful bodies and all the DIRTY THINGS you do with it. Seriously I want you to GET DIRTY!

But first:

My disclaimer: I am not a doctor. I am not a nurse. I am not a psychologist. I AM NOT A PHYSICAL THERAPIST. I am not licensed to adjust or fix anything that might be wrong with your body. So don't ask me for a massage! I'm not allowed to give you one because I am not a LICENSED MASSAGE THERAPIST either. I am not affiliated with any sort of health industry. You are reading this blog with the full knowledge that Pilialoha K. Nathaniel is not authorized by any school, institution or government to give health and medical advise. If you follow any advise in this blog it is at your own discretion and at your own risk. Okay? Nod if you agree. If you read anything past this paragraph that means you have nodded and you agree.

Now get your mind out of the gutter and into the MUD. Today I will introduce to you another one of my Cousins. This man is truly a HAPPY NATHANIEL. I would like to bring Cousin Kaeo to the stage.

COUSIN PILI (CP): Aloha my Cousin! Thanks for joining me on another episode of COUSIN PILI'S DIRTY THINGS. YOU finally answered my text messages!

COUSIN KAEO (CK): Jastine (my girlfriend) made me.

COUSIN PILI (CP): Jastine's the best!

COUSIN KAEO (CK): What about me?

CP: You're okay.

CK: Bitch.

CP: I love you too cuz! Enough of this shit. Let's get dirty. You, along with Cousin Chelsea, Micah and Jeremy, did the WARRIOR DASH last week. What is THE WARRIOR DASH?

CK: It's AWESOME. It's the worlds largest obstacle race series. The website is http://www.warriordash.com.

CP: Why'd you decided to do this race?

CK: I love the outdoors! I would give up all my electronics and couches in my house and but canoes, surfboards, mountain bikes, rock climbing gear, dive gear... ANYTHING to do with outdoor activities. IF I COULD. Why THE WARRIOR DASH? I like to go on hikes... but usually it's just a leisurely stroll. The WARRIOR DASH is a RACE! I don't know if it was how I was raised or if it's just in my blood but I need to be the best that I can be in EVERYTHING I do. OH... and it was a good family outing with everyone.


CP: WHAT ARE YOU WEARING???

CK: HAWAIIAN!!! This is the type of attire I would wear when I was dancing Hula. The Malo (the sash wrapped around his midsection) is what warriors would wear when going into battle. The Lei (the garland around his neck) and the Kupe'e (the greenery around his wrists and ankles) are adornments I learnt to make in Hula. I am a HAWAIIAN WARRIOR!

CP: OWN IT CUZ! Any costume mishaps?

CK: Yeah. My oloz fell out a few times. And my ass was out for the entire world to see. A stranger even asked to take a picture of it... my ass.

CP: HAHAHAHA!!!

CK: Shuddap.

CP: You mentioned HULA...

CK: I have extensive experience as a hula dancer.... This I would say partially defines me as who I am. It's not just some activity I did after school or on the weekends, it's a part of me. Hula has been a part of our family for generations and I feel privileged to have been able to learn and live through hula. I have met people (a lot of local celebrities), seen things (beaches of Tahiti, fireworks over a lake in Japan), been places (japan, papaete, bora bora, samoa, guam),and done things (multiple ship cruises, international travel), people have only dreamed of. As you can tell by the way I dress for warrior dash, I still think about it and miss it from time to time. And maybe one day I'll go back when I find the right halau.

CP: How are you changing your life to become HAPPIER AND HEALTHIER?

CK: Happier and healthier??? .... I guess i could start by replying to text's and calls... ;)

CP: Love you cuz, but you know that'll never happen.

CK: Healthier - watching what I eat more often. I mean I'll still eat some greasy stuff from time to time, but now days I don't eat till I pass out like I used to. More about portion control. Don't eat white rice to often any more and more fruits and vegetables daily. Lets see... Oh yeah, go gym, no excuses! I'm not one of those guys that go gym to look good and perv out on hot girls... When I go to workout, that's exactly what I do ... WORK.

CP: It's okay, Kaeo. You can admit you're a perv...

CK: Shut up!

CP: *HUGE SMILE*

CK: Some years ago when I first moved to Oahu I really let my health fall apart. At one point I was 5'-7" , 215lbs. Ya short AND fat. The fat didn't really bother me, it's what followed that sucked. My breathing was terrible, I was just lazy as hell, and I kinda had a mild heart attack. (That really sucked). So it wasn't to long after that, I decided that's it. Started running, working out a bit, than maybe a year later a 53 yr. old painter I was working with introduced me to p90x. This dude lifted up his shirt and he was RIPPED! And that's how I went from 5-7" , 215lbs down to "still short" 5'-7" , 153lbs. Of course there was some INSANITY workouts and "gymrat" status but... Yeah.

Happier??? Mmmmm... Not much to say? If anyone really knows me I'm a happy person. Except when I'm in traffic, or its friggin hot, or I'm hungry, or tired.... Or everything at once... THEN STAY THE HELL OUTTA MY WAY!!! So I guess to keep me happy ... drive with the a/c on while I'm eating a burger (in your car) and let me fall asleep. Then the world will be a better place ;-) But yeah seriously, I kinda have this philosophy that if your unhappy with something do something to make your self happy. Don't blame your unhappiness on someone else. MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY. Kinda like if you complain about be bored all the time, you're a boring person. Get up and do something about it.

CP: I agree! MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY!  Happiness is a DECISION! Last question: What are your thoughts on WILLPOWER?

CK: Willpower - having the power to do whatever the hell you want to do at the drop of a dime. Just recently I was walking through the mall with my mom and we saw the volcano vapor cigarette "thing" booth. The line was ridiculously long. I couldn't help but think that all these people that are trying to quit smoking or need their fix while their indoors CAN'T JUST QUIT. It really isn't that hard. As for my own personal willpower... I pretty much do exactly what I want when I want (finances permitting).

CP: You must be rich my Cousin.

CK: RICH WITH HAPPINESS!

For further reading go:

HERE for the link to the American Psychological Association's article on Willpower and http://www.warriordash.com for more information on the WARRIOR DASH!

MUCH MAHALO to Cousin Kaeo for your thoughts. Come back tomorrow!!! I'm going to bring back Cousin Chelsea and a special guest... COUSIN UALANI!

Love and mud,

Cousin Pili

PS... Some final words of wisdom from Cousin Kaeo:

"Few things I live by....
Don't care about what people say about me!
Don't go to the gym for someone else's opinion, do it for myself!
Don't workout to look good, do it cause i don't want to die of something I could have prevented.
Looking good is a side effect, health is the main goal!
Plus it's hard for me to look bad, I'm a NATHANIEL!
If I'm unhappy, it's my own damn fault, and its up to me to fix it!
If I'm bored, that's horse $#!T, I'm don't get bored - I'm not a boring person!
I'm not cocky or a show off, I just accept how friggin badass I am!
ALWAYS strive for better."

Willpower: DON'T EAT THAT COOKIE!

Hello and welcome my FAMILY, FRIENDS and other good people...

WHY COUSIN PILI HAS NO WILLPOWER AND WHY YOU DON'T EITHER.

First my disclaimer: I am not a doctor. I am not a nurse. I am not a psychologist. ALL SCIENTIFIC INFORMATION THAT I AM USING COMES FROM the American Psychological Association's article on Willpower. Click HERE for the article. I will be using it as a reference for the next few blogs.

I am not affiliated with any sort of health industry. You are reading this blog with the full knowledge that Pilialoha K. Nathaniel is not authorized by any school, institution or government to give health and medical advise. If you follow any advise in this blog it is at your own discretion and at your own risk. Okay? Nod if you agree. If you read anything past this paragraph that means you have nodded and you agree.

Did you nod? Great! Read on.

Did you know that will power can actually be drained. Seriously. It's been studied. For example: A scientist puts a plate of fresh baked cookies in front of you (whoever you are) and I (Cousin Pili). He says, "Don't eat the cookies." The scientist leaves. YOU EAT A COOKIE! Damn YOU for eating that cookie! I wanted a cookie but I used my WILLPOWER not to eat one.

The scientist comes back in. I point at you and tell the scientist that YOU ate a cookie. The scientist just smiles and removes the cookies. He comes back with two jump ropes and asks us to jump to a thousand. We both gawk at him but get to it.

Did you know that according to the latest studies on WILLPOWER that YOU, the bad cookie eater, would last longer than me. The act of USING MY WILLPOWER to NOT EAT THE COOKIES drained my willingness to push further.

WILLPOWER is a limited resource. SO DON'T FLIPPING TEST ME!

I am so joking. Kind of.

Did you also know that WILLPOWER can be drained by emotionally stressful situations? It's been tested! Say we're watching an emotional movie and I tell you to suppress all feelings while I get to cry my eyes out and enjoy the film naturally. After the film, we're both given those jump ropes again. This time I would last longer.

WILLPOWER CAN BE DRAINED.

So... lets apply what we have learnt to life's little situations. Lets play THE WILLPOWER GAME.

First a broad stroke: Your girlfriend wants you to do something. You don't want to do it. She argues with you. You feel a little bad but still won't do it. A day passes. You are taking out the trash. Your girlfriend walks out with the bathroom trash and berates you for always forgetting to take out ALL the trash. You apologize. She asks you again to do the something you don't want to do. You say no. She continues to berate you for you forgetfulness. Later that night you are both watching an action flick. She talks throughout the entire movie, picking it apart. She expects you to agree with her and laughs at you when you don't. So you stifle your excitement for the movie and you listen to her banter away. She actually has the nerve to point out after the movie that you seemed angry. Later, you are about to sleep when you find her on the bed looking excitedly at websites about the thing you expressly told her you did not want to do.

But she is so excited. You really don't want to do it but maybe if you do this for her she'll stop making fun of your movies and stop berating you for forgetting things. You felt kind of bad for saying no in the first place... So what do you do?

You say yes.

You just lost the game of WILLPOWER. Some people are very good at this game. Watch out for those people. They are everywhere... hey... YOU might even be draining the one you love right now. The girlfriend I just described seems like a bitch but what if she was someone you truly loved and wanted to please. What would you do?

Here's another one: You are on a diet. You have been exercising regularly and eating well for weeks now. You haven't slipped up at all. UNTIL... You have an amazing day with your family at the beach. You barbecue with your cousins and only eat the chicken and vegetables. You have a long swim in the ocean and enjoy your day. Your family decides to come over to the house for more fun and food. There is fried rice and pizza. YOU KNOW you shouldn't be eating any of that and YOU DON'T. You have a great meal planned for yourself and you have the WILLPOWER to stick with it.

But you're not gonna stick around to watch everyone eat. Screw that. You always have to watch that skinny bitch (you mean that in the best way) of a cousin eat whatever she wants. And what about cousin so and so... he always says that he's going to eat better but he never does. You are so much better than him. YOU HAVE WILLPOWER!!!

Or do you? You just LOST the WILLPOWER GAME. You had the willpower to keep to your diet but not to hang with the rest of your family. Willpower depleted. Again.

Last one for tonight: Your (fill in the blank) is a NEGATIVE PERSON. But you love them. This person is wonderful and has been there for you through everything. But their VOCAL NEGATIVITY blackens everything and brings you down. But you LOVE THEM. They complain about the closest people in their life. They complain about YOU. They complain about the way things are done and not done. But you love them. THEY COMPLAIN AND COMPLAIN AND COMPLAIN.

You smile. You try to commiserate. And finally you leave. You have lost the WILLPOWER game. Or have you won? You lost the patience to put up with the complaints and negativity of a person you loved. SOMETIMES THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH YOU CAN TAKE.

There is a point where you break and you can never go back.

Cousin Pili

PS... This Nathaniel will be a lot happier on her next blog about WILLPOWER and her Cousin Kaeo. Cousin Kaeo always makes me a HappyNathaniel.

Cousin Kaeo at WARRIOR DASH!

Not Happy Nathaniel.

Aloha (cough.) My Family, (Cough.) My Friends, (COUGH.) and those people brave enough to come around.

I have a cold. A cough to be exact. I have just taken a cough suppressant with CODEINE so forgive me if I fall asleep halfway through this post. I WAS going to write about WILLPOWER today and specifically about my lovely cousin Kaeo.  But that's gonna come to you sometime tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be able to fight though the medicated haze to blog-a-di-blog my thoughts and wisdoms on the subject.

As it is I do not have the WILLPOWER to stay awake.

Note: I used to be a stubborn butt-head about medicine and doctors. I thought I could fight everything using Hawaiian Salt, lemon and tea. While I suggest trying home remedies at first... PLEASE after a few days JUST GET SOME COUGH SYRUP. If that doesn't work GO TO THE DOCTOR. This goes for your aches and pains too. Thats what those highly educated white coats are for. To make you get better.

Now I am just writing in bubbles. I'm going to go to sleep. I originally was just going to tell you that I was sick and that I'd be back tomorrow. That's all I was going to type... BUT I am PODAHGEE (like Portuguese but the Hawaiian version) I get straight to the point no matter how long it takes...

Good night, wash your hands and don't get sick,

Cousin Pili

PS... See you tomorrow!

Poop well.

Aloha My Family, My Friends and passing acquaintances,

Welcome to Thursdays edition of "Happy Nathaniel: The Blog" with your host Cousin Pili. I can't decide what to write today. One of "da Aunties" suggested I write about willpower. WOW. That's a little broad. I wanted to do another feature on one of my cousins but "girlfriend" didn't get back to me. (You know who I'm talking about, Kaeo.) I also could do a segment on the "Master Cleanse" and it's pros and cons.

Since my little Cousin Kaeo (text me!) didn't get back to me and the research I've found on WILLPOWER is astonishing and deserves more thought.... I'll talk about CLEANSING.

But first...

I am not a doctor. I am not a nurse. I am not a psychologist. I am not a counselor. I am not affiliated with any sort of health industry. You are reading this blog with the full knowledge that Pilialoha K. Nathaniel is not authorized by any school, institution or government to give health and medical advise. If you follow any advise in this blog it is at your own discretion and at your own risk. Okay? Nod if you agree. If you read anything past this paragraph that means you have nodded and you agree.

Great!

For those of you who know me know that I have done the MASTER CLEANSE every year for many years now. I highly suggest this CLEANSE. Note that I say cleanse and NOT DIET. This cleanse RESETS your body while giving it the very basic essential nutrients to survive. I did not do this to lose weight. I would though lose about TEN POUNDS everytime I would do it. BUT I WOULD GAIN IT BACK! This is because I have healthy eating habits and I didn't need to change them. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DO NEED TO CHANGE--- CHANGE!!! Once done with any sort of cleanse the body is ripe for CHANGE. If you need to keep the weight down then YOU should take measures to do so. Every time I have done this cleanse I have felt more energized and well... CLEAN!

It takes enormous amounts of willpower to do a cleanse. It takes time and preparation to DO IT RIGHT. Once you are prepared and you START... the HARDEST PART is STICKING WITH IT. Keep a GOAL in mind. Remind yourself why you are doing the cleanse in the first place. 

Do you need to get HEALTHIER?

Do you need to LOSE WEIGHT?

Do you just need CHANGE in your life?

What is your goal? Write it down and post it everywhere.

For more information on THE MASTER CLEANSE and HOW TO START, DO AND FEEL BETTER... go HERE. Please BUY THE BOOK and follow the directions. I will reiterate... FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS!

HERE is wedmd.com's BAD review on the Master Cleanse and reason why you shouldn't do it. LOT'S OF VALID POINTS HERE...

...

Please read the articles above. 

...

Have you read them? Okay. Good. Because I just did too. I DO NOT PROMOTE STARVATION DIETING. Do not starve yourself. It is not healthy. It is not good. Anorexia is a disease. (Go HERE for my views on starving and anorexia) And, now that I have read through webmd.com's take on THE MASTER CLEANSE do I suggest it? SORT OF... I suggest CLEANSING. I still believe that some bodies need a reset. IS THE MASTER CLEANSE THE BEST FOR YOU? I don't know that answer. You have to do what is best for you and your health.

The best suggestion that I have for you is to GO TO YOUR HEALTH CARE PROVIDER and say, "Dr. Sonso, I would like to lose weight. I have heard that cleansing is a good way to start. Can you suggest some healthy ways to do this?" If your insurance covers it... WORK WITH A NUTRITIONIST. 

What's best for me? Truthfully, I won't be doing the Master Cleanse anytime soon. Go HERE for my reasons why. I just wanted to let you know about it. 

All else fails... just drink more water daily. You'll be surprised on how much healthier you'll be if you do just this one thing.

I'll end with this... CLEANSING isn't only about ridding your body of toxins. It's about ridding your MIND and HEART of the toxic gunk that you've swallowed and wallowed in. Take time to LET GO of the NEGATIVE. Negative thoughts, feelings and actions take too much time!

Love and hugs,

Cousin Pili

"For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness." 
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Also... don't forget to POOP WELL at least once a day. 

PS... Come back on Sunday for some WILLPOWER!!!

The Family Stubborn. You are Infected.

Aloha my dear DEAR Family, Friends and other people...

I searched http://www.mayoclinic.org/, www.webmd.com/, and the US National Library of Medicine. I couldn't find ANYTHING on this important issue that seems to afflict my family on a semi-regualar basis. I try to keep it under control but, and this is hard to say publicly, I GET FLARE-UPS TOO. I just assumed it was a medical affliction, some horrid disease that I caught from my Mom or some close relative that has a particularly nasty infection of it. I thought that maybe it was something in our DNA that has passed down from generation to generation. 

Nope. Stubbornness is not a disease. There is no cure except the one you make for YOURSELF... or maybe you can follow Cousin Pili's Three Simple Steps for Getting One's Head Out of One's Ass.

But first...

I am not a doctor. I am not a PROCTOLOGIST. A proctologist is a doctor that specializes in anal, rectal and intestinal disorders. If you actually have your head stuck up your ass, I am not licensed to help you remove it. I am not a nurse. I am not a psychologist. I am not affiliated with any sort of health industry. You are reading this blog with the full knowledge that Pilialoha K. Nathaniel is not authorized by any school, institution or government to give health and medical advise. If you follow any advise in this blog it is at your own discretion and at your own risk. Okay? Nod if you agree. If you read anything past this paragraph that means you have nodded and you agree.

If you can't nod because you have your head up your ass just give me a thumbs up.

Great.

Cousin Pili's Three Simple Steps For Getting One's Head Out of One's Ass (and keeping it out):

1) Pull it out yourself. 
2) Get help from a friend or family member.
3) LOVE.

1) PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS! Easier said than done. Shit just gets stuck up in there! But it can be done if you just wade through the shit and FIND THE TRUTH. One example: I was too stubborn to see a doctor for a cold and fever I've had for days. I finally had to admit to myself that the over the counter drugs and ginger tea were NOT HELPING. I pulled my head out of my FLU-ridden ass and went to a doctor. Although, even with this example, I had help. Go HERE for the entire story.

2) POSITIVE people are happier people. BE POSITIVE! Stop COMPLAINING about having your head stuck up your ass. Please, please, please keep a positive attitude if a friend or relative calls you and says, "Last time I came over, I noticed that your head was up your ass. Would you like my help in taking it out for you? You just seem so unhappy and uncomfortable. Can I please help you?" It takes guts for anyone to approach a person that has his/her head in his/her ass. No one likes to see that.

3) I know I keep on mentioning this word in every blog and I will continue to do so until I feel you have GOTTEN IT INTO THAT STUBBORN HARD-HEAD! LOVE EACH OTHER! Know that there will be misunderstandings but if you totally shut down and if you FAIL TO SEE THE TRUTH... YOU will be the LOSER. If you act BEFORE you receive all the information YOU WILL LOSE THE LOVE OF THOSE CLOSEST TO YOU. You wanna know why??? Stubbornness may not be a disease but it certainly is infectious. Chances are your friend or relative is JUST AS STUBBORN AS YOU ARE. So just stop and SWALLOW THE BULLSHIT and LOVE.

I will end the post with this ... LOVE EACH OTHER AND SHOW YOUR LOVE... you don't know when the LAST DAY will come. I don't know when my last day will be. I may live to be a healthy ninety-eight year old marathon runner OR I might choke on my food this afternoon and die. WHO KNOWS??? Am I dwelling on it? Absolutely not! I have made a commitment to live my LIFE with HAPPINESS, LOVE and LAUGHTER. I may fail at times and at those times I WILL LOOK TO YOU, MY FAMILY, TO GET MY HEAD OUT OF MY SELF-RIGHTOUS ASS. Please make the same commitment my family. No more BLAME GAMES. No more SELF-RIGHTEOUS anger. No more STUBBORNNESS. 

JUST LOVE and allow yourself to BE LOVED. 

PLEASE. Pretty please.

Your Friend, Daughter, Granddaughter, Niece and/or Cousin in STUBBORNNESS,

Cousin Pili

PS... Every Sunday, NO MATTER WHAT THE TOPIC... I will feature a recipe. Why... because cooking makes me feel good. Notice I did not say EATING. Today's recipe comes from Kristian Guynes from Kapolei, Hawaii. Enjoy!

"Kousin Kristian's Killa Kauliflower"

Ingredients:

1 1/2 pounds cauliflower (approx. 1 head),cut into large florets (about 8 cups)

6 garlic cloves, peeled

2 (14-ounce) cans chicken broth

Salt

Freshly ground black pepper

Chopped fresh chives

In a large pot, combine cauliflower, garlic, and broth. If cauliflower is not completely covered by broth, add water to just cover. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to medium-low, and simmer until cauliflower is tender, about 12 minutes.

Reserve approx. 2 tablespoons of the cooking liquid (maybe more..), then drain cauliflower and garlic. Transfer cauliflower and garlic to the bowl of a food processor and process until smooth, pulsing in some or all of the reserved cooking liquid, if necessary, to moisten mixture. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Just before serving, stir in chives. Serve warm.

Makes 4 (1 Cup Servings)

Per serving:

80 calories, 8 g protein, 12 g carbs, 1 g fat, 4 g fiber, 183 mg sodium

It is a very healthy alternative for mash potatoes. You can barely tell that it isn't a potato.

Sex.

Aloha my FAMILY, my FRIENDS and all the other lovely people reading!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!! Today marks the ONE MONTH ANNIVERSARY of THIS BLOG! It all started HERE on January 14. Twelve posts and almost nineteen-hundred views later I am celebrating a month of WRITING! It's been awesome! 

Now back to Valentine's Day and .... shhhhhhh ... SEX!

"You should be talking about love, PILI!!!" I ALWAYS speak of love. I am trying to drill it into anyone who stops by here that they should be LOVING LIFE! LOVE YOURSELF by doing what makes you HAPPY and HEALTHY. LOVE YOUR BODY by eating happily and healthily. LOVE THOSE AROUND YOU because you don't know when the last day will come. LOVE will ALWAYS prevail throughout this BLOG. Look up the meaning of "Pilialoha" HERE to find out why. It's not the meaning my Mom gave me but it should clue you into my reasoning for filling my life (and this Blog) with LOVE.

Also.. I figure if you don't already know that you should tell the ones YOU LOVE that you LOVE THEM EVERYDAY... then you're probably lost anyway and nothing I say will change your mindset. I hope to change your mindset though!!! Call your son, daughter, mother, father, grandpa, grandma, aunty, uncle or cousin RIGHT NOW and say I LOVE YOU!!!

ALSO... If you are one of those people who don't do anything special for their loved one on VALENTINE'S DAY because you think THIS DAY is the ultimate exploitation of LOVE by the candy and greeting card industries THEN you are also one of those people who don't believe in SANTA and you shouldn't be reading my blog anyway.

SEX.

First my DISCLAIMER. This blog was originally written for my FAMILY (mostly the younger, over eighteen family members) and whatever friends happened to stop by. That being said, my family and friends know me and the crazy ideas I get about love and the world and other things and they understand that I am a little crazy. If you don't understand the words that are coming out of my mouth (or my hands... whatever) then read once more. If you still don't understand... THEN ASK ME A QUESTION. That's what the little comment box is for.

I will also repeat here that this blog is for ADULTS. YOU SHOULD BE EIGHTEEN! If you are not then STOP READING. I have said it and I now assume no responsibility for anything your young mind is about to read because your parents should be blocking this stuff.

ALSO... I AM NOT A THERAPIST. I am not a SEX therapist. I didn't go to college for SEX-ED. Although a Performing Arts degree is probably the closest thing to it. I am not a doctor. I am not a nurse. I am not a psychologist. I am not a counselor. I am not affiliated with any sort of health industry. You are reading this blog with the full knowledge that Pilialoha K. Nathaniel is not authorized by any school, institution or government to give health and medical advise. If you follow any advise in this blog it is at your own discretion and at your own risk. Okay? Nod if you agree. If you read anything past this paragraph that means you have nodded and you agree.

You nodded?

Firstly... GET TESTED! I don't care if you've never had sex before. If you are EIGHTEEN and over, it is my opinion that YOU NEED TO KNOW YOUR OWN HEALTH! You must take responsibility for your own health especially your SEXUAL HEALTH. Talk with your health care provider. Talk with your school nurse. GET TESTED! Check for everything!

I don't wanna talk about it but the good catholic girl that rests in my crooked little pinky-toe is yelling at me.... ABSTINENCE. Don't have SEX. It's the best way not to get pregnant before you are ready. It's the best way not to contract SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES. AND... I DO NOT promote ABSTINENCE. I DO NOT promote PROMISCUITY either. I PROMOTE HEALTH and HAPPINESS. If you have not had sex and want to keep it that way. YIPPEE!!! I did not have sex until college. I ABSTAINED until I... well ...until I didn't. If you have religious or moral reasons for waiting... well... you probably looked at my next paragraph and stopped reading a long time ago.

WEAR A CONDOM. I don't care if you are a Man, Woman, Homo, Hetero, Gay, Straight, Mahu, Trans... I don't even know all the names... AND I DON'T CARE. WRAP IT UP! That also means you LADIES. Ladies... you need to be taking control of your own SEXUAL HEALTH. There are GIRL CONDOMS TOO. You put it inside you!!! AMAZING!!! I've never tried one but I am assuming they work the same way only backwards. If you are having SEX and you are NOT in a devoted and monogamous relationship (we will get to those later) THEN WEAR A CONDOM! Remember this: "YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT THING HAS BEEN!" And until you can sit down with your partner to have THE CONVERSATION (we will also come back to this)... then you need to WRAP IT UP!

"But, PILI, I don't like condoms. They itch! They smell funny! I can't cum with it on! I don't like the way it feels!"

You know what I say to that. BULLSHIT. COMPLETE and UTTER BULLSHIT. If you are fucking that hole or letting that hole be fucked... whatever kind of hole it may be... WRAP IT UP.

HAVE LUBRICANT! Water based is best. NOT VASELINE. I'm so serious. I know a few of you are probably laughing. But I am so very serious. Sometimes things get dry. Don't just keep hammering away at it. Wet it first! It not only feels better for both parties but it also prevents rawness and tearing. There is less chance of disease and infection.

After you're done... CLEAN IT UP. I'm not saying right away. But after you've let that golden rush of amazingness come and go, after you've cuddled a bit... or a least after you've said THANK YOU... excuse yourself and find the bathroom and CLEAN IT UP.

-----Women... PEE!!! Best way to clean it up is to sit on the toilet and pee. You'll flush out your urinary tract and give your bits a rinse. This will lower your chances of UTI (urinary tract infection). Now... if you're at home... go ahead and give your vagina a rinse. Stuff gets up in there!!! If not, wad up a piece of toilet paper, wet it and wipe. Front to back like your momma taught you. This will NOT PREVENT ANY DISEASES!!! But it will give your vagina a breather and a clean vagina is a happy vagina. Drink some water. Wash out your mouth. Take stock of yourself. Did you enjoy yourself? If you did... then get back out there and enjoy yourself more. If you gotta go... then it's a perfect time to get out there and search for your panties.

-----Men... if you are at your partners place... be a gentleman and throw the condom in the trash. Don't just leave it bedside. Take a piss. Flushes out any bacteria that may have traveled upwards. Men get UTI too. It's not fun for both sexes. If you're at home rinse off... if not... wet some toilet paper and wipe. Don't use the towel. That's rude. And don't forget to flush. Great time to wash your mouth out and make sure your pits don't stink. This five minute time alone also gives you a chance to reevaluate the situation and how you feel about what just went down. Did you like it, do you want to stay for breakfast... then by all means... cook breakfast. If not, then its a good time find your pants.

Don't take more than ten minutes taking care of the sanitary conditions of your bits. Your partner is gonna think you fell in the toilet.

Oh... you should also WRAP IT UP if you don't want babies. But that is for my Easter Sunday Blog.

Let us continue on shall we... If you are in a relationship... meaning: you will be having sex with this individual on a regular basis. HAVE THIS CONVERSATION:

Questions:

1) Are you monogamous? Are you or Will you be having sex with other people?
2) Have you been TESTED? If not... GET TESTED and SHOW each other the results.
3) Have ever had any sort of infectious disease? Do you have any STD's?

DO NOT BE ASHAMED OF YOUR SEXUAL HEALTH. DO NOT BE ASHAMED OF YOUR SEXUAL PREFERENCE. YOU NEED TO COMMUNICATE!

Let your partner know your likes and dis-likes. Let your partner KNOW when it hurts. DEFINITELY let your partner know when it FEELS GOOD! TALK!!! COMMUNICATE!!!

Now for my list of resources because you KNOW it didn't just wake up this morning with this info... for more information you can use these LINKS to go to these websites:

CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL and PREVENTION or CDC
The MAYO CLINIC
PLANNED PARENTHOOD

Health, Happiness and much ALOHA,

Cousin Pili