Breastfeeding sucks
Yes. I see the irony.I actually wrote much of this blog months ago... Within the first two months of my baby boys life. I don't know why I didn't post it at the time.
But first...
MY DISCLAIMER: So sorry folks... I know I keep on saying that I'll get back on a schedule... and I will. I have just been a little busy writing my book AND I just got back from two weeks in Hawaii!!! BUT enough of me apologizing to you, dear friend, and back to my disclaimer: I am not a doctor. I am not a nurse. I am not a psychologist. I am not affiliated with any sort of health industry. You are reading this blog with the full knowledge that Pilialoha K. Nathaniel is not authorized by any school, institution or government to give health and medical advice. If you follow any advice in this blog it is at your own discretion and at your own risk. Okay? Nod if you agree. If you read anything past this paragraph that means you have nodded and you agree.
...
Let's go back a few months... My beautiful hungry boy was born mid-August. For more than two months I was in pain.
...
My life after labor has become centered mostly around feeding my son. Which should be an amazing experience. Except that it's not.
For the most part it's been a toe curling, tear reducing and sleep depriving process. The worst part is that I convince myself that I've finally achieved that happy euphoric land of happy mommy and baby breastfeeding... When really I haven't. My nipples are still hurting and my breast still burn.
Please Stop. Now.
Don't try to solve this. Please don't ask me if I've:
1) Seen "someone"? Yes. I have seen multiple "someones". I have seen three lactation consultants, two pediatricians, an RN and the OBGyn that delivered my son. They just look at me and basically tell me to deal with it. Nothing is wrong with my sons mouth. There is nothing medically wrong with my breasts. So. Deal.
2) ... Gone to meetings? Yes. Took the classes before. They are a waste of time. You can't know what it feels like until you have a real baby latched on to your breast. Playing with dolls doesn't help. The videos they show and the nurse that gave the class just made me feel like I would be a horrible momma if I even touched formula.
...
And that's where I stopped. I was in a really bad place. It hurt so much that I wasn't feeding my son enough and had to supplement with formula. I felt like a failure... Why though? Both my Man and I were raised on formula. With all the pro-breastfeeding stuff out there I think I just felt pressured.
Breast milk is THE BEST food for a baby. You can google it and come up with dozens of websites promoting it. So you can imagine how upset I became when my doctor told me that my son was losing too much weight and I had to supplement with formula. Add that to the stress of being in excruciating pain everytime my son latched on... I was not a happy momma.
And it was all in my head. My doctors were very supportive. Those breast feeding websites were supportive. The mommies groups that I went to were supportive. I had the support and love of my Man and both our families...
I wasn't supporting myself.
I let my views of what I THOUGHT perfection was cloud my enjoyment of the present. Yes... There was pain. A lot of it. But I didn't fail my son in anyway. He took what I was able to give him. The formula gave my breasts a rest and I was able to heal.
About 7-8 weeks in I wrote a "help" post on Facebook to all my Mommies out in facebookland. Thank you to everyone who responded. Thank you especially to whoever said to use coconut oil. I still use it. I think it not only helped me to heal but it also gave my son a added boost of good fats.
About 9 weeks in ... Around the end of October... Breastfeeding became less painful and more of the joy I had heard it was supposed to be. I could feed my son without crying from the pain.
Finally... It didn't suck.
Now... It's the best thing ever. I can breastfeed anywhere. I don't just whip them out in public... I'm not all that comfortable with people ogling my boobs. I keep them covered it public.
I can multitask as well! I'm actually writing and breastfeeding right now! I can walk and nurse. I can eat and nurse. I can cut all twenty of my sons nails during a nursing session! I know that seems like a small thing but I feel like super mom after his nails are cut.
So... The moral of my bloggy today... SUPPORT YOURSELF! There will be pain. But that's okay. You can work through it and find the reward on the other side. Don't google so much that your head explodes from all the advice out there. Use your judgement.
Love, happiness and boobie milk,
Happy Nathaniel
My little hungry man back in September at barely a month old... So intent!!! So hungry!!!
